time…is on my side.

7FEE20B5-1FDA-43AD-BFDD-F74AA6861B35I find myself always looking at the clock.
As I reflect, I used to look at the time and I remember the feeling of anxiousness or excitement.  Counting down the seconds till I could get out of class or when I could meet my friends for a night on the town.  Minutes to when I could see my boyfriend or the seconds it took for him to open my car door. The feeling of having no cares in the world, no responsibilities, and just live by the moment decisions.   Time was on my side…I miss those feelings.
As I’ve aged through the years, I look at time now and those carefree feelings have changed.  Anxiousness has turned into panic and excitement has turned into stress.  Balancing my time has been such a struggle for me lately.  I feel as though I have lost my hidden talent to juggle many activities all at once.  In my head, I have an agenda of all the things I need to get done; I plan accordingly and before I know it I blink my eyes and time snuck up on me.  Then it surpasses me.  I end up chasing time and in the end I feel defeated by not accomplishing tasks I needed to do.  I apologize constantly for always being five minutes late (if you know me, it’s almost like it’s a part of my DNA), I’m embarrassed because half the time I look like a hot mess, and most of all I hate feeling scatter-brained.
But then, I have to remind myself….I’m human.  I have a perfectionist personality and I have to learn to let things go.  Or to better put it, realize that you don’t have to do everything all at once.  And most importantly, to not sweat the small stuff.  I think I put the pressure on myself to get everything I want done in one sitting and sometimes that’s just not possible.  Reminding myself to BREATHE has been super helpful.  Letting myself take a few minutes to regroup and weed out what is really important at this moment or if I could put it aside till I have more time is something that I’m still learning to do.   Making myself a list everyday allows me to visually organize my time and has been a useful tool to helping me find more BALANCE.
Balance has been so important in creating a healthy and happy relationship between my husband, baby, and work.   I’ve realized that most important thing in my life is my family.  As long as I can see my sons beautiful smile and have the support of my amazing husband, that’s the best feeling I could ever ask for.  Regaining confidence in myself is the next step, everything else will fall into place just as it should be.
Finding balance is hard and I’m still working on it.  But the good thing is,
I have time on my side….and my family.

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6 thoughts on “time…is on my side.

  1. Thank you for sharing. I can certainly identify with what you have written about. This was the case for me especially in the early days of being a mother. I found it all too difficult to find the right balance and was constantly stressed. Things seem to have gotten better these days and like you, I’ve to remind myself not to sweat the small stuff. Life has definitely gotten better now that I’ve gotten into the swing of things and I also remind myself that a lot of things aren’t that important and what matters most is that I have my family to go home to at the end of the day!

    • It’s nice to know other ladies experience the same feelings. Glad you have found a good balance, you have the cutest family!!!
      How long have you lived in Singapore?

  2. I am a perfectionist too and it has always made parenting and homeschooling especially challenging because I can’t have everything “perfect” (and I wouldn’t WANT it to be, but I used to try). I am also a list-maker. 😉

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